Don’t confuse desperation and need. The first is just the result of the second’s getting ignored.
I like that idea … it dawned on me after Women’s Group met. I listened to two women who are in the process of breaking up with a partner … one isn’t sure she will. But the temptation to go back into the relationships that were driving them nuts was so strong. (Personal change/personal growth: yum!) There was a desperation going on … about letting go, or about parting with the familiarity, or about ‘having to be’ alone.
Not that any of those feelings is rational … feelings wouldn’t be, would they! But it was clear to me, the more these women got their needs for togetherness & connection met, the easier it would be to see their past relationships as harmful, if they were.
We certainly have to work at connection in this culture, don’t we?! But, the work does pay off, when we find ways of connecting. It really does! We are such social beings.